Money Dates To Make Before 2023
Many of us grew up in a society where talking about money was considered taboo. Money was something that wasn’t supposed to be discussed outside of family, and often not even openly or honestly within families. As a result, many of us now have no idea how to talk about money with our peers and, as life progresses, with our romantic/life partners.
At Mana, we and our clients use money dates as a way to stay on top of personal or family finances. Whether you’re coming from a single point of view, a partnership, or a family, we think that dedicating time and intentionality to conversing about your finances can really pay off! If you are in a partnership, this consistency promotes healthy communication around money.
So here it goes, our recommended money dates between now and your start of 2023.
September: Back to school, not just for the kids.
We love September as a time to get organized and to start thinking ahead. Planning big expenses in advance can really help you think about how much is reasonable to spend on a monthly basis. For example, if your monthly budget is $10,000 and you spend about $10,000 each month, there’s no room for those bigger ticket items, and spending at these levels can result in credit card debt.
Take a look at your calendars together, then ask and answer the following questions for the next 12 months:
What birthdays or holidays are being celebrated, and what would you ideally like to spend on gifts?
Where are you traveling, or hoping to travel? What are the costs of lodging, transportation, activities, meals, and gifts?
Do you have any charitable gifting goals that you would like to allocate throughout the year?
If you see throughout the year that your total expenses for these costs are $24,000, this represents $2,000/month. Knowing this, you would want to adjust your monthly budget to $8,000 to ensure you aren’t overspending. If some months during your projected year are showing higher expenses, try to cut back regular expenses in the months ahead to stash money for these big ticket items. If you have lumpy income, are you able to push out any of the high cost trips after this income is earned? Thinking forward can give you financial peace of mind, and being proactive allows you to consider trade offs if the budget feels too tight. Mapping out these expenses can feel stressful and activating, which means that you may need to hold a second, separate money date dedicated to figuring out your savings plan. Remember to take things slowly and work together on your solutions.
October: Review of personal insurance, and other pre-tax deductions.
If you’re a W2 employee, most employers will offer open enrollment during the month of October. Employee benefits can range from health insurance, to FSA (Healthcare & Dependent Care) contributions, to disability and life insurance elections. If you work for yourself, this is a good time to assess your plans as well, because many of the State sponsored health care plans are eligible for enrollment at this time.
Some questions you might discuss on a money date about open enrollment:
How is your current healthcare plan working for you? Are you able to see the doctors you want? Do you have any surgeries or procedures that would require a more protective plan, or do you expect you won’t require much medical attention and can opt for a lower cost plan? What costs should you expect if an emergency arises?
Do you have disability insurance coverage? If you are working for an employer, electing to impute disability coverage into your income will allow you to receive benefits tax-free if needed. If you are working for yourself, disability insurance can be cost prohibitive. Are you able to find a network or union that could help you obtain disability coverage?
Do you have sufficient coverage on life insurance policies? If you purchased a home, had a child, or had a change in your family situation, you might consider revisiting your amount of coverage.
The biggest factors to discuss during open enrollment are major family changes (e.g., planning for a new child) and whether you are happy with your current plan. Chat about what kinds of coverage has worked as well as what hasn’t worked for you both in the past. If you are planning a change to your family situation, you can delve into the timeline and expectations together to help make your best decision.
November: Salary benchmarking and career planning
Setting aside an annual time to consider your goals for your salary and your career development can help you stay focused on continuing to grow in your job. With a down stock market, you might consider negotiating more stock in this year’s compensation package - this way when prices return to normal it’s like getting a bonus! We recommend planning for salary conversations by first reflecting on your past year of achievements and making sure you are prepared to highlight your contributions to your team/organization. If it’s been a few years since you’ve spoken to a recruiter or looked at what other jobs are offering, November is a good month to do so.
Use this month’s money date to do your research and practice these conversations with a safe partner. Offer each other a safe space to brag and then go wild! Help each other brainstorm the framing of your respective achievements. Knowing what you are worth both inside and outside of your company will also help you make a more compelling pitch in compensation discussions. In the current market, you may not get everything you ask for or want, so be prepared to negotiate. You can also practice some of the negotiation scenarios with a partner or friend.
December: Tactical tax decisions
Tax years fall on the January to December calendar year, so make sure you don’t miss any opportunities to optimize before year end. Some actions you might consider include:
Have you maxed out your 401k?
Are there any tax losses you can harvest in your taxable accounts?
If the market is down, or it’s a lower year, should you make a Roth conversion?
Have you used your full FSA?
Have you made all intended charitable contributions?
While these are rather mundane and somewhat technical discussion topics, it can still be fun to elaborate on each topic. What do each of you know about tax loss harvesting? Do you know when it would make sense to make a Roth conversion? Do you have a planner that helps you? Generating questions and curiosities together can also be useful and empowering. Remember that it’s okay to not know the answers - and starting to engage in conversations about these topics can help you recognize gaps in your current knowledge to address with a planner later.
Additional money date tips:
Successful money dates help people grow closer to one another, learn things about themselves, and make space for vulnerability, curiosity and whatever other emotions might accompany those feelings. But when it comes down to it, money conversations do run the risk of provoking negative thoughts and difficult emotions. You’ll want to set rules to make these dates as safe as possible:
Judgment free dates: allow each other to admit failures, to ask questions and ask for critique. Do not judge or criticize during these conversations.
No personal attacks: if someone shares a disappointing shortcoming, don’t focus on their character. Instead, using phrases like “that’s a hard thing to experience” can be validating and supportive without feeling like attacks.
Be patient and don’t jump to solutions: it can be tempting to offer advice right away, but make sure your conversation partner is ready to move to solutions before you offer them. Ask for explicit consent to move into that part of the discussion before leading in. This will ensure that your partner feels totally heard while they share.
Be willing to put the chat on pause: if you do cross a line, or if things get too tense or upsetting, then be willing to stop the conversation. If you know you’ll be facing a particularly challenging topic, you can even have a backup discussion agreed upon ahead of time. Switching to a more light-hearted topic or just taking individual space can save you both from unproductive toiling.
And finally, in general, we don’t suggest taking these conversations too seriously. Any major life decisions should receive input from professionals (your CPAs, financial planners, real estate agents, doctors, etc.). The main goal of money dates should just be getting comfortable talking about finances and breaking the taboo it once carried.
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Stephanie Bucko and Cristina Livadary are fee-only financial planners based in Los Angeles, California. Stephanie is the Chief Investment Officer and Cristina is the Chief Executive Officer at Mana Financial Life Design (FLD). Mana FLD provides comprehensive financial planning and investment management services to help clients grow and protect their wealth throughout life’s journey. Mana FLD specializes in advising ambitious professionals who seek financial knowledge and want to implement creative budgeting, savings, proactive planning and powerful investment strategies. As fee-only fiduciaries and independent financial advisors, Stephanie and Cristina never receive commission of any kind. Stephanie and Cristina are legally bound by their certifications to provide unbiased and trustworthy financial advice.